Why You Should Consider a Self-Soothe Box

Why A Self-Soothe Box

Maybe you have heard about a self-soothe box or as some people call it, a tool box. While it is something that is suggested by many professionals, not many people take the time to put one together. Probably because they do take a lot of thought and time to assemble, but also because a lot of people think it wouldn't be useful to them. In my opinion, why not have every resource available for that one day that your normal coping skills don't work and you are desparate? If your normal skills are not working that one time can you honestly say that you would be calm and focused enough to think of other skills you could use? Probably not. That is where the self soothe box comes in handy. If you have tried everything and nothing is working then you can grab your handy dandy tool box, tear that baby open, and go to town on all the wonderful things that can soothe you in your time of distress. This requires no remembering, no planning, and absolutely no stress trying to scramble for anything to make you feel better. It essentially requires no thinking whats-so-ever. Just grab and soothe. 

It's For Anybody, Anytime

If you think a self soothe box is just for times of distress think again! You should be practicing the self-soothe skill regularly. Simply applying a nice scented lotion, burning a candle, or eating a peice of your favorite chocolate can be the pick me up you need to get your day going. We should really take time to spoil ourselves on a regular basis. Self soothe boxes aren't just for someone trying to cope with a mental illness, it's for anybody. I know I have suggested to my husband to put gum, candy, pictures, scents, music, and stress balls at his work desk for those days that he just can't make it through. Everyone has bad days, some worse than others, and everyone needs to have handy those things that can comfort them when they are mentally spent. 

How-To

To assemble your self soothe box simply find or make a box that will have some type of meaning to you. (You can read more about the meaning of mine in the captions.) Next fill it with things that will make you feel good; it is important to incorporate all five senses. Nothing is too small, too large, too messy, or too nice to put in this box. Now if something literally doesn't fit in the box, for example your favorite fuzzy throw, you can put a note inside the box saying to grab said throw with a description of where you may be able to find it. It really is up to you what you put in there remembering you can always add to it. Mine is packed, but I still want to add some photos and maybe a notebook. This is YOUR box so take time to enjoy the process and be proud of the finished product. Last note on how to- make sure to put the box in a place that is easily accessable and in view. I don't know how many times I have had a panic attack that my muscles and joints are frozen so I literally can't get up off the couch. That is why mine is on the coffee table!

I have taken the time to add a few photos of my box and its contents so you can see what helps me and maybe get some ideas. Your box will never be "complete". You will be constantly adding and removing from it so don't worry if you start out with it kind of empty. 

Enjoy!

I painted this box I found at Hobby Lobby for $9 with acrylic paint. I then used sandpaper to distress it, and added a sealant to keep the paint from chipping. I took three days to complete it because I wanted to do it mindfully. Painting the box became very therapuetic and meaningful to me. I highly suggest either making your own box or finding a box that will be appealing to you in times of crisis. I keep mine on the coffee tabe so it acts as a decorative peice, but it is also in view if I need it during a panic attack. 

Stuff your box FULL! Certain things may not work one day so you need pleanty of options to grab your attention when you may not be able to think very clearly.

1.) I remember playing this when I was younger and how much concentration it takes to get the ball in the hole. So when I found it in a cheese store close to my mom's house I bought it specifically for my box. 2.) An autumn spice candle because it is one of my favorite scents 3.) You know the acrobatic twirl ribbons that dancers use sometimes? This is a kids size version that you can make yourself. It is fun and can be peaceful to watch the way the ribbon glides and twirls in the air. 4.) A devotional reminding me of God's love and promises. 5.) A ribbon I really like. It has a rough texture and I really like the print. 6.)A nice letter that my husband wrote me almost a year ago that I once kept in my wallet. (I will do a post next week on the importance of letters.) 7.) A rock I painted a few years ago when my depression was at its worst. Doodles and zentangle doodles are very relaxing to do. I keep this in my box because it engages my brain to study the design, it stays really cold, and I can remember how far I have come from those dark days. 8.) A blank thank you note so I can write down all the good things that are going for me right now and all the things I am thankful for. 9.) Music! It can be anything that will change your mood. I have The Kooks, some celtic instrumental music called Joyful Noise, and Norah Jones (so relaxing). 10.) One of my favorite kid movies, "Beauty and the Beast".

1.) Some pens that a friend from DBT got me on my graduation day. Colors calm me, and who doesn't like fun pens?! 2.) LETTERS!! Again I will do a post next week about the importance of letters. 3.) A concert ticket from some of my favortie 90's bands, Everclear and Eve6. I put this in my box because it has always been one of my dreams to see a band from the 90s, and I thought that would be impossible. When I found out they were coming to town I was so happy. That concert is one of my favorite memories. 4.) A birthday card that my husband got for me. It had a sweet message inside. I don't usually keep cards but this was too special to throw away. 5.) Sudoku- engaging your brain in anyway is great! 6.) The art museum near me had the original Monet "Water Lilies" panels on exhibit. I love art and Monet is one of my favorties. This is just a little brochure I picked up in the gift shop. It reminds me of the beauty of that painting and sparks the memory of the texture and details that I saw. 7.) A pocket sized DBT skills cheat sheet that my therapist gave me at the start of the program. 

1.) BIG RED gum to snap you out of the moment. I know a lot of people use rubber bands on the wrist for that, but I do not suggest that method! It is so triggering if you have a history of self harm, and is not fixing the emotion with something neutral or positive. Alternatives would be cinnamon gum or candy, strong peppermint gum or candy, or something really sour. You can also hold ice in your hand to snap you out of a moment. Please note to only hold the ice for a few seconds. Holding ice for too long can cause pain which would be equal to self harm.  2.) a pinch pot my mom made in the 60s her sophomore year of highschool. I love the story behind it, and how smooth and cold it is. 3.) Two stress balls. 4.) Blow Pop Strawberry chapstick. It smells like My Little Ponies :) 5.) Bath and Body Works Warm Vanilla lotion. It has always been one of my favorites and puting the lotion on slowly can be mindful. 6.) Sand from Cannon Beach, Oregon. It was my honeymoon and my first time seeing an ocean. It brings back so many wonderful memories. I will talk more about the importance of this sand next week for my mindfulness exercise. 7.) Victoria's Secret body spray that I wore on our honeymoon. Studies show that scent can trigger memories, so it is only natural that I would keep a spray that is associated with so many wonderful things.




I want to hear from you! Do you have a self soothe box? If so what types of things to do you have in yours and do you use it? If you do not have a self soothe box would you consider making one for yourself?

Don't Quit

Every now and then I like to read quotes and poems that inspire me. These especially come in handy when life really seems to be weighing me down and I feel less than capable. The last time I was having a really rough patch the "Don't Quit" poem really helped me to push through.

 I've always had a hard time keeping jobs due to my mental illness. I would get paranoid, depressed, anxious, or manic and would not be able to handle the pressures of my job or be able to be around the people that I worked with. I don't think I can honestly tell you how many jobs I have had in the past 5 years. When I accepted my latest job I thought I had it all worked out. It was six months into DBT and I thought I could hold down this part time job no problem. Nothing was going to get in my way! I was a new woman! Then life slapped me in the face. Yes, I was ready to work but unfortunately I had picked a job with a terrible manager. I held on for as long as I could and then eventually quit. I knew I had done everything I could to salvage the job (which was a huge improvement from impulsively walking out), but I couldn't help but feel like I had failed. I verbally abused myself and my confidence came crashing down. All that work from DBT seemed so minuscule now. "How could I have thought things would ever be different..." I wanted to throw in the towel and just accept what I had believed was reality. This quote was exactly what I needed at that time. I have to give myself a pat on the back and say I am a pretty resilient individual. I may fall flat on my face, but I always pull myself up no matter how slow it may be. Things have (six months later) and will go wrong since then, but I won't quit.

Don't Quit

Author Unknown

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,

When funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit.

Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns

As every one of us sometimes learns.

And many a failure turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out:

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are.

It may be near when it seems so far:

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit

It’s when things seem worse that you MUST NOT QUIT!

Mindfulness 08.13.14

Each week I will be suggesting a mindfulness activity. Mindfulness, according to Wikipedia, is "the intentional, accepting and non-judgmental focus of one's attention on the emotions, thoughts and sensations occurring in the present moment." Practicing in a safe, controlled enviornement helps one to use mindfulness skills when one is having trouble coping. So a great exercise is to practice some form of mindfulness everyday. 

This week's mindfulness activity is one that we did in my DBT group that I really enjoyed. Take some pennies, maybe 5 or so, and put them in a bag. Take one penny out of the bag and study it. Look for any imperfections in color and texture, notice the date...just observe the penny. After a few minutes put the penny back in the bag. Mix them up then pour the contents out in front of you. Mindfully study each penny and try to find the penny you started with. 

It is important to remember that this exercise is not to test you on how well you can remember a penny. The point of this exercise is for you to practice mindfully focusing your attention on one thing without distraction. If you were not able to find the original penny- it's ok! Don't judge yourself! Notice any emotions, judgements, and physical reactions you may have had before, during, and after this exercise. Were you more focused? Did you judge yourself? Did you feel more stressed? 

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Did you try the exercise? Do you practice mindfulness? If so, what are some ways you like to practice?

A New Emotion

Today I graduated from DBT. There are no words that come close to describing all the emotions I am feeling: joy, excitement, pride, sorrow, nervous, unsure... so many emotions at once yet this feeling is foreign. It's like none of those emotions quite fit or describe the entirety of this moment. Maybe it is because I am in disbelief or because it has been so long since I have finished something. Whatever it may be I am so blessed to have had an opportunity to be in DBT and find support with some wonderful group members.

I can't believe this day has come! I can't believe I am here! I would have never thought this was possible for me to achieve. I never thought I would stick it through to the end. I never thought I could be so happy! I never knew this kind of happy even existed! I never knew I could love myself this much. Just writing this is making me cry because I am so happy and proud.

Of course, I am scared too...DBT has seriously been my life for almost a year. It has been constant structured, hard work.I am scared that without that structure I may regress, but I am also making sure I have a plan to prevent this potential issue: my journaling, skills book, self soothe box, my DBT completion certificate hanging in the bathroom with a motivational sign hanging next to it, and of course all the wonderful people who have loved me and supported me throughout my journey. Especially the girls in my DBT group! I will keep them in my heart everyday. I will keep working, keep supporting, and keep staying positive to give them hope because sometimes that is all you have left. I love them so much and will continue to fight for them and others who are battling a mental illness. I want to show them that life doesn't always have to be your mental illness. That you can reach any dream you may have, and you can have a happy life! Don't ever let a mental illness steal your sparkle! Don't even let it dim it!

I am also doing this for my husband. We have been together since we were 18. He has seen me at some very dark times, and we were so young that when things started getting rocky he could have left. He could have ran for the hills! Instead he decided to love me. No matter what, his decision was to just love me. I have never known this kind of love!

Lastly, I am going to keep going for myself. For all of my life that I spent trudging through storms, I think I deserve nothing but warm beautiful sun from here on out! I didn't do all that hard work for nothing! I am going to make my wildest dreams come true, because I know I can do it!

I'm going to sparkle