A New Emotion

Today I graduated from DBT. There are no words that come close to describing all the emotions I am feeling: joy, excitement, pride, sorrow, nervous, unsure... so many emotions at once yet this feeling is foreign. It's like none of those emotions quite fit or describe the entirety of this moment. Maybe it is because I am in disbelief or because it has been so long since I have finished something. Whatever it may be I am so blessed to have had an opportunity to be in DBT and find support with some wonderful group members.

I can't believe this day has come! I can't believe I am here! I would have never thought this was possible for me to achieve. I never thought I would stick it through to the end. I never thought I could be so happy! I never knew this kind of happy even existed! I never knew I could love myself this much. Just writing this is making me cry because I am so happy and proud.

Of course, I am scared too...DBT has seriously been my life for almost a year. It has been constant structured, hard work.I am scared that without that structure I may regress, but I am also making sure I have a plan to prevent this potential issue: my journaling, skills book, self soothe box, my DBT completion certificate hanging in the bathroom with a motivational sign hanging next to it, and of course all the wonderful people who have loved me and supported me throughout my journey. Especially the girls in my DBT group! I will keep them in my heart everyday. I will keep working, keep supporting, and keep staying positive to give them hope because sometimes that is all you have left. I love them so much and will continue to fight for them and others who are battling a mental illness. I want to show them that life doesn't always have to be your mental illness. That you can reach any dream you may have, and you can have a happy life! Don't ever let a mental illness steal your sparkle! Don't even let it dim it!

I am also doing this for my husband. We have been together since we were 18. He has seen me at some very dark times, and we were so young that when things started getting rocky he could have left. He could have ran for the hills! Instead he decided to love me. No matter what, his decision was to just love me. I have never known this kind of love!

Lastly, I am going to keep going for myself. For all of my life that I spent trudging through storms, I think I deserve nothing but warm beautiful sun from here on out! I didn't do all that hard work for nothing! I am going to make my wildest dreams come true, because I know I can do it!

I'm going to sparkle